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Dear Geek's Girl,
Recently, it seems that my boyfriend has near endless time for video games but no time for me. I didn't use to mind, but now I feel like it’s starting to impact our relationship. Is there anything I can do to make the situation better?
2nd 2 PS3
So your beau is choosing to shoot up creepy little girls and big men in diving suits over picking out curtains with you, huh? This is more common than you'd think.
Before you go nagging him about his video gaming habits, step back and think about his daily lifestyle. Does he work long hours at a stressful job? Does he go to school? Is he continually pressured by family or friends? Is he generally showing outward signs of anxiety and stress?
We've all been there. And sometimes when we are stressed to the max, the best medicine is just getting out of our own heads for a little while. Or burning off some steam in a way that doesn't involve inflicting bodily harm on people or animals. (Fluffy, watch out!) Video games can be that outlet for many people. For others it's movies or books, or running around our darkened neighborhoods streaking (did it once, totally cathartic until the cops showed up).***
So what to do about it? Go and get that quality couple time you want...by playing with him! Just approach him when he settles down for a session and suggest that you play together. Don't be hesitant to try out your super mega-skilz on the player 2 controller.
If you're like I was, and have little interest in video games, let yourself be willing to give it a shot (I doubt he sees the obvious fun in curtain shopping). Lately, there's a video game out there to suit everyone's interests. If you really do get your jollies off of picking out curtains, I guarantee you there's some sort of competitive game out there for that! And more often than not these days, some of the more violent shoot 'em up games actually have very compelling story-lines. You can go on an adventure together!
I think most importantly though, you'll find that showing interest in something he's excited about (instead of nagging him to death) will make him that much more open to try out the things that you find fulfillment in doing, because doing positive things together is awesome!
Obviously it depends on what you're into, but I'd suggest starting out with games that lend themselves well to 2-player modes, like Time Splitters (old school shoot 'em up) and Mario Party 8 (fun with the Wii!), or games that have really interesting story archs, like Bioshock, Grand Theft Auto or Drake's Fortune. You might also learn something useful from them. When I played GTA 4 with my husband, I learned how to beat up a hooker and get my money back!
If your sig-o isn't amenable to couples play or has a more serious gaming obsession—like if you're in the hospital having a baby and you call him to alert him to this fact only to have him say, "can I call you back, I'm playing Halo right now" (true story!)—then you have a more serious problem. You may need to re-examine your relationship and the reasons you are with him.
I wish you the best of luck, fellow Geek's Girl! And watch out for the big boss you have to fight at the end of level 4!
If you are an aspiring geek by association, a geek in need of love or dating advice, or just interested in schooling little old me on proper usage of geek jargon, feel free to email me and I will get back to you right here on www.itsgeektime.com!
***Full disclosure, I worked a long, stressful day and played 12 rounds of Bejeweled, beating my high score, between writing paragraphs of this post.
