Dear Geek's Girl,
I am a nerdy geeky guy who is shy and does not like large crowds or noisy places like bars and clubs. I find it difficult to meet new people, especially women. What advice would you give someone like me who wishes to meet a nice woman and have her not run away in fear when she finds out about my geeky interests?"
-ShyGuy
Oh dear, dear ShyGuy, you make it sound like having geeky interests is something to be ashamed of! Both you and I know that's not true, so let's start with a little self-affirming exercise to remind ourselves.
I want you to let loose that big ole' geek who lives inside of you. Give him a big, wet, sloppy kiss. Maybe play a little World of Warcraft with him. Buy him an ice cream! Show him some love. I bet he makes you laugh, right? He's a pretty fun guy.
Then, once Inner Geek has stopped tweaking out from all the sugar and attention (hopefully he's not lactose intolerant), ask your whole self a very serious question: Would you enjoy dating someone who would run away in fear of your "geeky interests"? How can you be truly happy in a relationship when you have to hide part of yourself to keep it up? I doubt Inner Geek would be cool with being stuffed into the small space at the very back of your mind. My Spidey-sense says he'd probably find a way to come out, BFGs blazing, no matter what you did. Face it, he's a big part of what makes you, well, you.
Next time you find yourself in a social situation, let him be your wing-man instead of the freak in your closet. He's probably a better judge of character than you anyway, especially if you're too busy worrying about how a girl you barely know might perceive you to bother evaluating whether she's good enough for you. If she doesn't like you or your wing-man, then she ain't the one for you. No skin off your back. Don't waste any time distracted by her on your quest to rescue that real princess of yours, who is going to adore both you and that crazy geek inside of you.
Now to address your concern about where to meet girls. If you can't stand the bar and club scene, try going to a coffee shop. Most coffee shops are designed to give a chillaxed, low-pressure social vibe that might be more your speed. Take your laptop, iPad, PSP or electronic weapon of choice and settle into one of the cafe easy chairs with a hot beverage.
Strike up a conversation with the gal sitting nearby without having to shout or strain to hear. Some coffee shops have communal tables where you can plop yourself down and easily fall into conversations with the folks around you. Even if you don't meet any girls, you can still have a good time and meet new people, or at least get some work done!
Another suggestion: try scouring Craigslist or your local coffee shop community boards for discussion/language groups, activities, recreational sporting events, etc. In most metro areas, there's one to suit everyone's tastes, so you're bound to find something that interests you that will also provide low-pressure social opportunities. Nothing out there interests you? Start your own group! Advertise on Craigslist, that's what it's there for! Remember though, you have to be proactive. Things won't just come to you if you don't put yourself out there.
My parting words to you Shy Guy, are thus: just be yourself. If you stay true to that, you'll do just fine.
If you are an aspiring geek by association, a geek in need of love or dating advice, or just interested in schooling me on proper usage of geek jargon, feel free to email meThis e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and I will get back to you right here on www.itsgeektime.com!
